Like any other type of coaching, sex & intimacy coaching is about creating a desired transformation. There is something you want in your life (like wanting more sex, reigniting passion, overcoming pain or transforming a sexless marriage into passionate one, to name a few of the oh-so-common starting points) and you need a guide to help you get there. 

An intimacy coach focuses on the emotional aspect of sex.

A sex coach understands the physical side and knowing how to make this work.

When you bring these two together, they make for a holistic approach to a wide range of situations that are related to long-term romantic relationships.

Now, you could get all the hundreds of thousands of books on these topics and read them all. You can try a hundred programs available on the topic. You can spend years studying and figuring things out on your own.

Or you can hire an expert who has done all of that and who can tell you exactly what you need to do to get the result you want in the shortest amount of time. 

A coach is your guide in that journey.

We meet through Zoom weekly, as I go into the trenches with you and help you figure it out. I guide you to create the results you desire. 

A: There are many things that we missed out on in sex ed. Our moms didn’t show us the power of pleasure moments and how to explore our own bodies. Our sex ed teachers never showed us how to enjoy touch or how to align the right environmental pre-conditions to increase the chances of an orgasm. And society doesn’t really like talking about painful sex or sexless marriages, so people have no idea what is normal or common. 

So yes, there is a gap around sex education that coaching solves.

But it’s way more than that. Knowing what you need to do does not ensure that you do it. That’s where coaching comes in. It’s about a personalized, well-structured process to identify what you want and desire and break through the unhelpful behaviors that are in the way of you experiencing the kind of sex and intimacy that you desire.

It’s about doing things differently — like learning to get up on skates and actually skating well, as opposed to learning the philosophy and mechanics behind it but never getting on the ice at all.

Because let’s be honest here … most of us don’t know clearly what we want and need, let alone know how to explain to our partner how to give it to us. We could all use a bit of help on communication skills that create connectedness, safety and intimacy. 

Most importantly, sex & intimacy coaching is about empowering you with the skills that help you be intimate, close and frisky with each other for the rest of your life. 

A: Whereas therapy and coaching both aim at helping you lead a fulfilling life, the approaches are different.

While there are many types of therapy today, historically psychotherapy has been based on the medical model that identifies what is wrong with you (a pathology) and works to fix it (with a course of treatment). Similar to a general therapist, a sex therapist has the authority to diagnose a disorder and prescribe treatment. Generally speaking, therapy focuses on fixing you and bringing you back to wholeness.

Sex and intimacy coaching, as is coaching in general, has a different intention as well as feel to it. Although it may feel therapeutic, sex coaching is not meant to reverse any medical conditions and does not involve diagnosis or prescribed treatment.

Coaching is desire-based, forward-looking and action-oriented, with a focus on empowering you to achieve your desires by breaking through behaviors that are holding you back.

Coaching focuses on action, growth and expansion and requires a certain foundational level of emotional intelligence, resilience and awareness.

Because sex and intimacy coaching is focused on changing your life, it involves more than just talking about life. It’s experiential — and it supports you to take action towards your goals and desires.

While we will certainly talk about the past and how it impacts your beliefs and actions today, the focus is on the present and the future—that is, what are your goals and what needs to happen for you to have achieve them.

As a well-trained, experienced coach, I know when a client needs therapy instead of coaching. Because of this, it is not uncommon for me to refer clients to experienced licensed professionals when I see that it's in their best interest.

Although I am an expert in the field and will offer education and different perspectives to consider, in our coaching relationship, my role is not to advise, fix or consult you. I am trained to listen with curiosity and without judgement, to use my intuition, and to call you forth to your highest potential — empowering you to take action that you know is best for you from a place of confidence, clarity and resolve. Ultimately, it is you, the client, who is in the driver's seat of your life.

If you’re a single woman preparing for deeper sexual intimacy in a future relationship, sex & intimacy coaching will help you remove the barriers to intimacy you can attract a partner who will meet you in creating a fulfilling sexual relationship with you.

Read how this woman in her 50s regained her sexual desire and is experiencing the best sex of her life

*** If you are a married/coupled woman, I can only work with you as part of a couple.

Fulfilling and ongoing sexual passion and sexual desire do not happen by change or by following biological urges. To make love & sex work in a long-term relationship or marriage requires that you learn to dare intimacy.

If you’re long-married couples, together for decades, you can heal a sexless marriage and make passion and sexual fulfillment a part of your life.

If you’re new parents run down by the responsibilities of family life, you can add spark to your romantic connection and role-model being an affectionate and sexually-positive couple to your children.

If you’re sweethearts planning for a life-time together, you can design a lasting sexual relationship from the get-go.

Hello, I am Irene Fehr, and I am a somatic sex and intimacy coach for committed couples and single women. I’m here to help you to not only get answers to your questions but help you transform your life into the vision that you’ve been dreaming about.

If you’re a couple, my goal is to help you build an extraordinary committed relationship filled with love and passionate sex — not make your marriage a little bit less bad.

If you’re a single woman, I partner with you to support you in your expansion and growth so that you can experience sex differently and attract a partner who will meet you in creating the sex life of your dreams.

A: Unlike many coaches and therapists who are so by training, I went through what many of my clients go through, and I understand the emotional, psychological and relational challenges of losing my libido as a woman and ending up in a sexless marriage — as well as what it takes to reconnect to my body and sex drive.

My transformation was profound: I reversed my low libido (which was never actually low, just starving), learned about my body’s arousal and how important it is to enjoying sex (very!), and never experienced painful sex again. What I learned about my body became the key to unlocking what I wanted and enjoyed in sex.

But I didn’t want just good sex; I wanted extraordinary sex with my committed partner.

I’ll never forget the first time I experienced what I now call “connection sex” in the safety and trust of a long-term relationship. There was this quiet inside of me, and all I could feel was waves of warmth and expansion traveling through my body. Every fiber of my body seemed to soften and relax at the same time as energized and buzzing. My body and my mind merged into oneness, all trembling with pleasure. My heart was cracked open ... and I could never go back to sex that was merely about friction or validation.

Because I felt — not just understood — how delicious it is to experience freedom in sex in a committed, long-term relationship with a partner, I went on a mission to learn everything I could it about it. I explored my pleasure anatomy and dove deep into understanding of the female libido. I tried out different forms of sex and learned sexual pleasure practices to elevate sex and orgasm to the level of ecstasy. I studied relationship dynamics from the foremost researchers and therapists in the world. I experimented with monogamous and open relationships.

What I found was that we all naturally want connected and passionate sex — it’s part of our human DNA. We are all capable of sexual pleasure in connection with a partner. We want intimacy and passion wrapped in one because it’s part of our humanness. And it is possible to create it in a long-term relationship. What it takes is just that: it takes taking steps to intentionally create a sexual relationship because it does not just happen to you.

The power of being fulfilled with your partner has reach beyond the bedroom — you feel safe, unstoppable, and fully alive.

Today, my mission is to bring the wisdom and the tools to creating an extraordinary and lasting sexual relationship to as many couples and individuals as possible.

A: Sex & intimacy coaching combines:

• Cutting-edge education about sexuality, pleasure, body and intimacy

• Inspiration + encouragement to keep going after your dreams

• Mentorship to help you face hard moments and keep going despite challenges

• Honest feedback about what’s really going on

• Safe space to be yourself and talk through your experiences without shame

• Releasing the grip of past traumas and wounds on your life today

• Mindset exercises to help you create the results you desire

• Somatic (body-based) practices to help you access pleasure and feel more in your body without shutting down

• Support between sessions to help keep momentum going

• Modeling of healthy conversations about sexual boundaries, desires and sex

First of all, kudos to you for reaching out to get support for your relationship and your love — even though your partner is not on board to do this with you at this time.

And I am so sorry that you’re alone in having to take the step to fix your relationship.

There is an all-too-familiar path that couples go through when a sex problem tears them apart. It usually starts with compromise as the solution and it ends with hurt, distance, even contempt.

That’s because problems around sex and sexual desire in a long-term relationship are not individual problems nor are they limited to sex.

They take place in a relationship — and therefore have to be dealt together in relationship as well.

It takes two people to solve the sex problem and create a sexual relationship that fulfills both partners.

Therefore, I only work with married/coupled people when both partners are on board to create a new result and are both committed to making it happen.

If this is not your case yet, do not despair.

What I can offer you is a conversation starter with your partner.

Take this free relationship self-assessment together and determine if you’re on the same page in terms of how important solving your sex problem really is. Discuss the results and the consequences that of taking action versus not.

If you’re still determined to work on this by yourself, there are other coaches and therapists who will work with one member of a couple at a time, and that might be the best fit for you. I am happy to make referrals.

A: I have now worked with several hundreds of clients all over the world via Zoom for many years and they’ve experienced life-changing transformations, so … I can say yes, for sure … coaching works over Zoom.

A: As in all areas of life, truly extraordinary results take time to produce. That is why I work with clients for a minimum of one year to create a sexual growth and mastery program that focuses on their goals and desires.

I also offer “intensives” to clients who want to have an immersive experience and get the most results in the shortest amount of time.

Every coaching journey — whether with a couple or an individual client — is custom-tailored for their specific situation and is highly experiential and transformative.

A: There are two kinds of investment that I ask of my clients:

FINANCIAL INVESTMENT

My highly-customized coaching programs have various level of support and range from $17K to $29K for the year for couples coaching and $13K to $20K for individual coaching for singe women. Payment plans are available.

ENERGETIC INVESTMENT

To create deep shifts that stick as life takes over, I ask my clients to dedicate a minimum of two hours a week on exercises that deepen their connection and pleasure.

Most work happens between sessions, which is why home-work — or “play-work,” as I like to call it — is an essential part of the process.

I work virtually over the online conferencing platforms of Zoom with clients all over the world.

There is no touch or any sexual contact involved between me and clients under any circumstances.

A: You don’t have to go through sex coaching alone and in fact, you shouldn’t. Resolving all couple-related hurdles is best done with both of you on board. There is actually a way for you to start this conversation and get your partner on board.

Check out this article How to Talk to Your Partner About Hiring a Sex Coach. There is a full guide, plus a free PDF worksheet, included for you.

A: Talking about sex may be hard, but it is a fundamentally important. According to John Gottman, PhD, the foremost research scientist of relationships and head of the Love Lab at University of Washington in Seattle: of the couples who can’t comfortably talk about sex with one another, only 9% say that they’re satisfied sexually. In other words, if you do not talk about sex, it’s almost guaranteed that you won’t be able to enjoy your sex life. Which is why it’s important that both partners are on board for sex & intimacy coaching for couples to work. I know this is scary. Asking for what you really want or how you feel might sound close to impossible right now. 

But it is only when you are both in this together that you can master the skill of communicating openly and vulnerably in a safe and supportive space. Learning how to talk about sex can only help you thrive if you learn how to talk about your feelings and needs first. And that’s what intimacy is all about.

Check out the How to Talk to Your Partner About Hiring a Sex Coach guide to help you navigate this conversation.

A: I am sorry this situation is so scary. You might feel alone right now or even unsafe on some level. I am so sorry that your partner is not on the same page as you are about getting a sex coach. It is my belief that working through this together with him is the right way to go. Sex in a relationship takes two people; and the solution lies in both people’s hands.

But many people in your situation need help with talking to their partner about sex & intimacy coaching. That’s why I have created this worksheet with tips and ideas that help you navigate this intimate conversation.

A: If feeling connected as lovers is a thing of the past … if sex is no longer satisfying but just going through the motions (if you’re having it at all) … if you’re feeling stagnant with your relationship and maybe even passive towards reaching out … if you see any sign of pain or apathy towards the notion of sex … it means that you’ve succumbed to the “drift.” And in a long-term relationship, that’s expected. Watch this video to understand why.

Couples who experience a sexless marriage can definitely benefit from a process that involves healing, getting back in alignment with each other’s emotional needs, and learning to connect in a way that is different to what created the drift in the first place.

And yes, of course you also hope and want to reintroduce the sexual spark into your relationship. We will get there too. You get to bring sex back by rediscover each other as lovers … even after 25+ years of marriage.

Sex & intimacy coaching is going to help you establish a new type of sex in your relationship. One that is passionate, connected and pleasure-based. 

Now, sex & intimacy coaching is not a band-aid you put on. It’s a deep, involved process that requires us to untangle what’s going on and help you shift into new patterns with each other.

You are not likely to start having sex right away, but you will start to feel that tingle in your body thinking about each other or wanting to reach out to touch. It takes time when you approach this with serious, process-oriented, methodological coaching.

So, yes — there is not only hope for you, but also a proven path forward, as the success rates for a couple in your situation are very high.

A: After working with all sorts of people, including with couples where one or both of the partners grew up in conservative religious family, I can confidently say that it’s better to establish the skills as early as you can afford it, as the price of not solving the problem and drifting away (or experiencing a sexless marriage) is greater as years go by. 

A: Many women I work with feel like strangers in their own bodies. Many women also think that there is something wrong with them and that they are broken. But almost always, that is not the case. You are not broken. You just need a little help and some guidance in feeling safe and connected again.

Start with this free course “How to Want Sex Again” to break free of unfair and damaging myths that have likely affected your relationship with your body. Enroll into my signature FEED YOUR LIBIDO online program or reach out for a consultation if you’d like a customized 1:1 approach.

A: This is such a common problem for so many couples, all around the world. It’s frustrating as you are constantly unaligned with your readiness levels.

The harsh news is that many of the couples that reach a sexless marriage actually go through this either a tug of war or the long slippery slope of years of fast, unsatisfying sex that gets the deed done but does little to nourish either of you. Kinda like with nutrition: if you only eat fast food, at some point your health will degrade. Finding a balanced diet where both partners feel satisfied and are excited for it is the key of sex & intimacy coaching.

Through our weekly meetings and talking about your desires you get to overcome the triggering rejection and connect in playful sexy ways that lead to sex. 

A: First, congratulations for asking an important question that acknowledges that some of YOUR needs are being unmet. The fact that you are now responsible for the needs of others doesn’t really mean you don’t have emotional needs of your own — and ignoring them is not sustainable.

Of course you have obligations and demands of running a household. That just means that you have a more pressing need to be efficient with your time and know how to release the guilt of taking time to recharge and nurture your sex life.

Meeting regularly with me will infuse your daily life with small, effortless ways to connect and creates energy for you to take care of your family.

A: Painful sex is a clear indication from your body that you are not ready for physical intimacy yet and that pleasure is not abundant in your life right now. It might have been this way for months, years or even your entire life, and through the process of sex & intimacy coaching you can expect a change in the way you connect on a daily basis.

We start by relearning about the female pleasure anatomy and how you can nurture your body for more pleasure. We dig deeper and realize what your partner can do to support you. We focus on finding ways to communicate for not just pain-free sex but a pleasurable connected experience.

A: Yes, absolutely. It’s a great time to heal and be supported. As you are getting back into dating after heartbreak, it’s the best time to find ways to do things differently.

If you struggle with limited sexual experience or libido, then by working with a sex coach you will find ways to be at ease within your body, discover what turns you on, and enjoy being intimate with your next partner.

A: Feeling like you are “broken sexually” is common among women who finding it difficult to focus on enjoying sex. The truth is, that you are perfectly normal and will always have these voices of what you should or should not do. To be present during sex, you first need to know what helps you to relax. I will help you figure out how to listen to your body and experience sexual pleasure in real-time. You deserve it!