Energize Yourself, Reinvent Your Sex Life
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Here is the truth that every woman knows. When we’re too depleted by the end of the day, our sexuality has little chance. We deplete ourselves doing, doing, doing in the world, bring our most tired selves home to our (usually equally exhausted) partners, and expect sparks to fly.
Let’s get real here. If you want an extraordinary sex life, you need to do everything in your power to bring your best self forward. Which means taking care of yourself so you can be your best self. Don’t do it for your partner — do it for YOU! Because you deserve the extraordinary, the whole cake, not some stale breadcrumbs.
So, let’s do some math here to figure out how to energize yourself to make your sex life come alive and serve you with pleasure, intimacy and … even more energy.
I am going to teach you a simple but powerful process that I do with my clients that will help you
Identify where you’re draining energy
Identify what will give you the best boosters for you to feel good, alive and on top of the world
Take action to fill your tank and make exhaustion a thing of the past!
ENERGY ACCOUNTING PROCESS
STEP 1: Take a piece of paper and divide it into two sides. You’ll use more than one sheet, but the set up is the same.
STEP 2: Label the left side ENERGIZERS and take inventory of activities that energize you and fill you up every day. List anything and everything, including:
self-care such as sleep and good food
exercise, yoga or time in nature
social situations
alone time
hobbies
thought processes like journaling, dreaming or saying gratitudes
sensual delights you engage in, like enjoying a meal, being massaged
people and situations that leave you feeling better off after your interactions
spending time with kids
sensual sex, touch, intimacy
Notice what it’s like to think about and recall the things that fuel you? Can you feel the lightness and joy already?
STEP 3: On the right side, list out things that DEPLETE you and drain your energy. This can include:
lack of sleep
activities in your day that take everything out of you
social situations that don’t work for you
thought processes such as beating yourself up for mistakes, feeling guilty, or second-guessing your decisions
unsupportive or negative people
Take an entire week to inventory what you do each day and enter it into the respective side of the table.
Some activities might fall into both categories, so be very specific. For example, a long run can deplete your energy if you are lacking sleep, and it can give you energy when you’re rested.
Depletors play a major role in shutting down a woman’s libido. Get the scoop on what kills and what awakens a woman’s libido in my free 3-video course on “How to Want Sex Again.”
STEP 4: Time for some calculus.
Here is the simple truth: to feel good at the end of the day, you need at least as many energizers as you have depletors. To feel on top of the world — and sexually open — you need many more in the pleasure category.
Naturally, some of the depletors need to go to create space for the things that will energize you. So the next question is:
Which depletors need to go?
I know you’re going to say for all those things that you have to do in life, such as commuting or doing the dishes, that “it’s life.”
Yes — and what could you ask for to make these less depleting and more serving you?
The key is asking for support.
Maybe your job is depleting because you have no control over your hours. Can you ask for specific work hours?
If you are depleted driving your kids around, who can you ask to support you in picking them up at least once a week so you can get a break?
The second part is making sure that you double your energizers:
What energizers do you need to fill your cup?
Just like with removing depletors, we must get outside of our comfort zone to add pleasure to our day and ask for what we need.
Maybe it’s asking your partner to take care of the kids in the evening so you can take a long hot bath. Maybe it’s forcing yourself away from the computer on your lunch break to sit outside and enjoy lunch in the sunshine.
When you focus on refueling your life with energy, it will fuel the rest of your life — and sex life — too.
Did you try the energy accounting practice? What did you learn? Share in the comments below.