What Is Sex Coaching?

Frequently Asked Questions


 

Q: What is sex coaching?

Working with me, you won't be asked to try new techniques, sexy lingerie or exciting pillow talk. In my experience, raw human connection is far more powerful and exciting than any technique can provide. I support women and couples in finding their uninhibited sexual expression and learning to share that with another in connection sex.

As a sex coach, I help clients remove the blocks and inhibitions that hold them back from revealing themselves to another person—through sexual energy, talk, touch, or intercourse. For some clients, it may be learning to feel more present and confident in their body so they enjoy the physicality of sex with their partners. It may be opening up to their partners during orgasm without inhibition. Or, it may be getting that sexual feeling after a break from sex due to childbirth or cancer treatment. Many clients simply come to me because they want to become better lovers and never have to worry if they're pleasing their partners.

I weave together mindfulness, somatic awareness, cognitive restructuring, and positive psychology to create an effective experiential approach that centers on awareness and insight of your inner patterns plus action. It is through taking action that clients break through old patterns and get to do what they really want to do. After working together, my clients deepen intimacy and infuse passion and energy into long-term relationships, rebuild sex life from non-existent to passionately wanting each other, experience a reawakening in their sexuality, and deepen their relationships to themselves. 

Q: How is sex coaching different from sex therapy?

A: Whereas therapy and coaching both aim at helping you lead a fulfilling life, the intentions will feel different.

While there are many types of therapy today, historically psychotherapy has been based on the medical model that identifies what is not working (a pathology) and works to fix it (with a course of treatment). Similar to a general therapist, a sex therapist has the authority to diagnose a disorder and prescribe treatment. Generally speaking, therapy focuses on healing and building emotional resilience. 

Sex coaching, as is coaching in general, has a different intention as well as energy and feel to it. Although it may feel therapeutic, sex coaching is not meant to reverse any medical conditions and does not involve diagnosis or prescribed treatment. Coaching is forward-looking and action-oriented, with a focus on empowering the client to achieve their desires by breaking through blocks holding them back. Coaching focuses on action, growth and expansion and requires a certain foundational level of emotional resilience and awareness.

Because sex coaching is action-based, it provides more than talking about life. It's focuses on the client taking action that changes their life. 

In coaching, while we will certainly talk about the past, and how it impacts beliefs and actions today, the focus of is on the present and the future—that is, what is the desired outcome, what is the current situation, and what needs to happen to bridge the gap between. 

There is overlap between therapy and coaching. As a well-trained, experienced coach, I know when a client needs therapy instead of coaching. Because of this, it is not uncommon for me to refer clients to experienced licensed professionals when I see that it's in their best interest.

Your success with coaching depends on how much you choose to engage and participate in the learning process, in and in-between sessions, by taking action.

Although I am an expert in the field and will offer education and different perspectives to consider, in our coaching relationship, my role is not to advise, fix or consult you. I am trained to listen with curiosity and without judgement, to use my intuition and to call you forth to your highest potential—empowering you to take action that you know is best for you from a place of confidence, clarity and resolve. Ultimately, it is you, as the client, who are in the driver's seat.

Q: Who are your clients?

A: I work with a variety of clients, women and men alike, who desire deeper intimacy and sexual connection and who are stopped by the following:  

  • Sexless marriage/relationship
  • Anxiety around intimate situations, such as sexual touch, intercourse, or asking for what they want
  • Emotional triggering (fear, tears, anxiety, shutdown) during sex
  • Low or no libido
  • Inability to orgasm, alone or with a partner
  • Numb vagina, pain and tightness with intercourse, or dyspareunia
  • Needing to use drugs or alcohol in order to relax during sex
  • Disconnecting from their body and sensuality after cancer treatment
  • Post partum loss of sexual desire 

Many clients who come to me have tried to address this with their trusted medical and mental professionals only to hear ... 

  • “It’s normal not to want sex. It’s part of being married.”
  • “It’s possible that you’re asexual.”
  • “Intimacy anxiety just means that you're not meant to be in a relationship.”
  • “It’s normal to lose your libido when you have children.”
  • “Desire and enjoyment of sex do drop with menopause. It's normal.”

And they know that they want something more. They want to reclaim joy, passion and happiness in their own sexuality and in their relationship.

Q: How are you different from other sex coaches?

A: Unlike many sex coaches, I went through what many of my clients went through, and I understand the emotional, psychological and relational challenges of losing your libido as well as what it takes to reconnect to your body and your sex drive. Read "What I Learned from My Sexless Marriage" article.

My coaching around sex and intimacy are unique. I don't teach about new techniques, sexy lingerie or exciting pillow talk. In my experience, these get in the way of our unique sexual expression, which happens to be far more fulfilling and exciting than any newness in technique or action can provide.

In my coaching, I support women and couples to focus on who they are and what their unique sexual and erotic expression is: what turns them on, mentally, physically, spiritually and erotically. And I give them the tools to express their turn-on confidently and in a way that infuses passion and intimacy into their relationship. I teach intimacy skills that bring them closer to their partners erotically. Only then we can go straight to the heart of uninhibited sexual connection—the kind that's about how it feels, rather than how it's done.

Q: What results can I expect?

A: Before working with me, many of my clients felt …

  • Dissatisfied and unhappy with themselves, their sex life and their relationships
  • Numb in their bodies
  • Disconnected from their sexuality and desire
  • Anxious talking with their partner about intimate things
  • Guilty or ashamed about having a low libido
  • Scared to initiate sexual connection
  • Disconnected from their sensuality
  • Disappointed with past relationships and wondering if they'll find a partner with whom to share a fulfilling relationship
  • Exhausted by their daily life to feel sexual
  • Confused about their desires and who they are
  • Not able to orgasm easily, on their own or with their partners
  • Frustrated or unsure about their ability to be sexual after menopause, cancer treatment, or childbirth 

After working together, my clients:

  • Feel energized, sexy and turned on in their body
  • Feel sexual desire
  • Have more lightness, fun and exploration with sex, intimacy and relationships
  • Uncover what works for their body in sex and learn to ask for exactly what they want
  • Enjoy a positive, self-image and attract people who appreciate them as they are
  • Feel confident in their body (whatever body size, shape or age they are)
  • Attract the attention from partners they want and feel confident and safe doing so
  • Have the energy they need to create the fulfilling life and relationships they long for
  • Know how to speak to their partners confidently about their desires and sexual needs

Q: How can I experience your approach to see if it's the right fit for me to work with you?

A: I invite you to get in touch with me for an initial free 40-minute phone consultation to learn more about working together. Fill out this form and I'll be in touch to set up a time to talk.