What Is Sex Coaching?
Frequently Asked Questions
Q: What is sex coaching?
If you’re like most people, you didn’t grow up with sex education that went beyond our reproduction anatomy and disease avoidance. It’s likely that you didn’t get to be educated in intimacy and what it means to sustain sexual connection over the span of a lifelong monogamous relationship. And it’s likely that you didn’t have role models who exhibited healthy expression of sexuality either. Which means that when you became sexually active and when you entered a relationship, you relied on yourself. You assumed you should know how to do this. And maybe you found yourself stuck.
Because of our cultural upbringing, most of us have been approaching sex by default … in the dark, without learning about it or our bodies or our partners. We truly have sex with our eyes closed. We fall into sex in a way that we fall into many milestones in life, without knowing what we’re walking into.
That isn’t your fault. In a culture that does not value open conversations about sex, intimacy or vulnerability, it’s normal to fall into patterns that don’t work.
Discover why sex dies in a long-term relationship — and how to create ever-growing passion and sex in your relationship.
I am Irene Fehr, and as a sex coach for committed couples, I’m here to introduce and teach clients a different way to approach sex … by designing and creating it to be dynamic, nourishing and satisfying and that grows with you and your relationship over the decades. When you approach sex like this, it becomes an adventure and your lover becomes a partner in an exquisite journey of continual sexual exploration that becomes more exciting the more you are together.
Working with me, you won't be asked to try new techniques, sexy lingerie or exciting pillow talk. In my experience, human connection is far more powerful, exciting and erotic than any technique can provide.
But it doesn’t work just to teach you about this kind of sex. You need concrete tools that will make this work for you and your relationship. Sex coaching is a combination of education + inspiration + encouragement + mentorship + healing work + practical tools and practices to help you create the results you desire.
If this sounds like what you are wanting — or something you are at least willing to give a shot — be sure to watch the video below and then let’s get on a coaching call to create breakthroughs in your relationship and life.
Discover Why Sex & Passion Disappear in a Long-term Relationship — and What You Can Do to Bring It Back
Q: What results can I expect from sex coaching?
Sex coaching is tailored to the results you want. Here are some of the results my clients have seen:
For a couple who love each other and want more sex, but who are stuck and unsure of how to infuse more passion into their busy lives, I teach them how to connect more deeply on a regular basis through affection, playfulness, eroticism, and touch.
For a couple living like roommates in a sexless marriage who want to reintroduce sexual spark into their relationship, I help them discover their sexual passions and desires and cultivate the sexual connection.
For a couple with mismatched libidos, I teach them ways to communicate their desires, increase intimacy levels, and find ways that would be satisfying and pleasurable for both.
For busy new parents for whom intimacy and connection have taken a back seat to obligations and demands of running a household, I help them release the guilt of taking time to recharge and nurture their love life and teach them small, effortless ways to connect to each other daily.
For a couple where the woman has never had an orgasm or experiences pain during intercourse, I teach both partners about the female pleasure anatomy, how she can nurture her body for more pleasure, what her partner can do to support her, and how they can communicate to access deeper pleasure that works for her body.
For a single woman who’s starting to date after a long-term relationship or one who might have limited sexual experience, I teach how to be at ease within her body, to discover what turns her on, and to enjoy being intimate with another.
For someone who lives in their head and struggles to enjoy sex, I help them quiet their mind, listen to their bodies and experience sexual pleasure in real-time.
For a couple where both partners are timid in asking for what they really want or how they feel, I help them practice communicating openly and vulnerably in a safe and supportive space.
Some of the results my clients have experienced:
“I had no idea I didn’t know that much about my body, and I’ve thought I was pretty advanced. I experienced the most delicious orgasm last night thanks to the practices Irene taught us to build arousal.”
Jennifer and Jake
“We were having good sex before, but it was getting monotonous and too much work. Since working with Irene, we’ve been having the most spiritual sex we’ve ever had. We learned to listen to each other and our desires, so each time sex is so different and exciting.”
John and Elaine
“We improved our sex life and our relationship thousand fold. And now we can add the satisfaction of modeling a healthy sexuality and sexual relationship to our children to the list of benefits too.”
Phillip and Rosalind
“When I had our baby, I felt so disconnected and alienated from my body. And we felt disconnected from each other as lovers too. There was just too much anxiety around sex. I loved Irene’s approach of becoming an explorer of my new postpartum body, and my husband loved partaking in this exploration. We’re having the best sex now, and it’s getting better and better.”
Kate and Paul
“We were ready to split up. Even though we loved each other, the toll of raising three kids, jobs, starting a business was too heavy, we had a full sexless marriage, and we were ready to let each other free to find sexual fulfillment elsewhere. I am so glad we stayed and decided to work with Irene. We didn’t realize how much we were stuck in a mindset of validation sex which led us to disconnect altogether. With Irene’s help, we saw beyond what we could see in our tunnel vision about ourselves. We created the sexual connection, instead of waiting for it to magically appear. I am glad we believed more was possible and found the best person to help us get there.”
Mike and Lana
Explore What’s Possible for You
Q: How are you different from other sex coaches?
A: Unlike many sex coaches and therapists, I went through what many of my clients go through, and I understand the emotional, psychological and relational challenges of losing my libido as a woman and ending up in a sexless marriage — as well as what it takes to reconnect to your body and your sex drive.
My transformation was profound: I reversed my low libido (which was never actually low, just malnourished), learned about my body’s arousal and how important it is to enjoying sex (very!), and never experienced painful sex again. What I learned about my body became the key to unlocking what I wanted and enjoyed in sex.
But I didn’t want just good sex; I wanted extraordinary sex with my committed partner.
I will never forget the first time I experienced what I now call “connection sex” in the safety and trust of a long-term relationship. My mind had quieted down, and I could feel the undulating waves of warmth and expansion traveling through my body. I was relaxed and soft, and able to surrender to my partner’s touch, yet there was also a sense of being awake and on. My body purred with so much pleasure that it felt like I was drenched in love. Orgasm took on a totally new dimension, from a brief spark of intense sensation to a trembling joyride on a river rapid of endless ecstasy. My heart was cracked open ... and I could never go back to sex that was merely about friction.
Because I felt — not just understood — how delicious it is to experience freedom in sex in a committed, long-term relationship with a partner, I went on a mission to learn everything I could it about it. I explored my pleasure anatomy and dove deep into understanding of the female libido. I tried out different forms of sex and learned sexual pleasure practices to elevate sex and orgasm to the level of ecstasy. I studied relationship dynamics from the foremost researchers and therapists in the world. I experimented with monogamous and open relationships.
What I found was that we all naturally want connected and passionate sex — it’s part of our human DNA. We are all capable of sexual pleasure in connection with a partner. We want intimacy and passion wrapped in one because it’s part of our humanness. And it is possible to create it in a long-term relationship. What it takes is just that: it takes creating a sexual relationship intentionally and consciously. Extraordinary sex does not make for an extraordinary sexual relationship that lasts; creating an extraordinary sexual relationship makes extraordinary sex inevitable.
Today, my mission is to bring the wisdom and the tools to creating an extraordinary and lasting sexual relationship to as many couples and individuals as possible.
Understand my view and approach to sex in long-term relationships — and how to make it work.
Q: How is sex coaching different from sex therapy?
A: Whereas therapy and coaching both aim at helping you lead a fulfilling life, the approaches are different.
While there are many types of therapy today, historically psychotherapy has been based on the medical model that identifies what is wrong with you (a pathology) and works to fix it (with a course of treatment). Similar to a general therapist, a sex therapist has the authority to diagnose a disorder and prescribe treatment. Generally speaking, therapy focuses on healing and building emotional resilience.
Sex coaching, as is coaching in general, has a different intention as well as feel to it. Although it may feel therapeutic, sex coaching is not meant to reverse any medical conditions and does not involve diagnosis or prescribed treatment. Coaching is desire-based, forward-looking and action-oriented, with a focus on empowering you to achieve your desires by breaking through blocks holding you back. Coaching focuses on action, growth and expansion and requires a certain foundational level of emotional resilience and awareness.
Because sex coaching is focused on changing your life, it involves more than talking about life. It's focuses on you taking action to change your life.
In coaching, while we will certainly talk about the past and how it impacts beliefs and actions today, the focus is on the present and the future—that is, what is the desired outcome and what needs to happen for you to have it.
As a well-trained, experienced coach, I know when a client needs therapy instead of coaching. Because of this, it is not uncommon for me to refer clients to experienced licensed professionals when I see that it's in their best interest.
Although I am an expert in the field and will offer education and different perspectives to consider, in our coaching relationship, my role is not to advise, fix or consult you. I am trained to listen with curiosity and without judgement, to use my intuition, and to call you forth to your highest potential — empowering you to take action that you know is best for you from a place of confidence, clarity and resolve. Ultimately, it is you, the client, who are in the driver's seat.
Q: How can I experience your approach to see if it's the right fit for me to work with you?
A: Want to experience a breakthrough in your sex life? Let’s get on a coaching call!
If you’re a couple in a committed relationship or a single woman, I invite you to sign up for a free 30-minute consultation session. We may not get to the core of the problem in that short of a time, but I can certainly tell you something that works, and you’ll leave better off, no strings attached.
I cannot offer this session to everyone, only those people that I can help with my areas of expertise. Please fill out the form in the link below to help me understand how I can help you, and I'll be in touch to set up a time to talk.
This session is confidential, whether or not your decide to work with me.