I bet I got your attention! Now, I am not talking about orgasm as in that moment when the fireworks fly … although that is exciting. When I say orgasmic, I am talking about a whole state of openness, timelessness, play, and flow that you feel in a relationship and a quality of connection that energizes and nourishes and leads to lots of sex.
In working with hundreds of committed, monogamous couples, I see a big difference between couples with a sustainable and ever-evolving sex life and those who lose their “passion” and it has to do with creating an orgasmic state in their relationship — not just a good orgasm.
Here are ideas for holiday gifts that will be sure to infuse orgasmic energy into your relationship and send shivers of orgasmic energy through your body and your partners’:
In today’s busy world, our attention is truly priceless. Attention — expressed as love, care and desire — is the number one reason why human beings desire to be in a relationship. Yet, most couples leave little to no room in their lives for paying attention to each other without distractions and allowing sexual attraction and desire to arise.
And nothing comes close to being the most important element for sustained and passionate sex. Attention is arousing and exciting. It makes us feel desired and wanted. It stops time. It builds our mood. It sets the rest of the world apart from our intimate partner. And it makes our bodies tingle with orgasmic energy way before that big finale.
This holiday season, give your partner the gift of undivided attention. Take the day off just linger with each other — no goals, no activities, just you and them. Spend it in bed, without a motive, but to touch, stroke, explore, to dream together, to gaze into each other eyes, to curl up and fall asleep for an afternoon nap, or follow the thread of whatever wants to arise. Build your sexual connection by using this time for lingering and enjoying the arousal and letting sex be the cherry on top.
2. Appreciations and Gratitude
And while you’re at it … whisper some “sweet nothings” of appreciation and gratitude to your love.
Being appreciated feels good. Being seen opens our hearts. Both make us glow and melt. And these “sweet nothings” amount to a whole lot of something when it comes to creating a sense of connection and arousal.
Thirty years of relationship research from the most famous couples therapist John Gottman unequivocally shows that a healthy relationship requires a 5:1 ratio of expression of appreciation and gratitude to negative comments. Your sex life is no different.
What’s truly sexy is noticing something unique about your partner — from kind to kinky — and feeling comfortable enough to say it. Letting them know the impact they have on you. Give it a try!
I appreciate how thoughtful and kind you are in bed.
I appreciate how great of a sexual partner you are to me.
I appreciate how you make me laugh.
I love how good you taste.
I’m grateful for your wonderful touch.
I’m grateful for the turn-on I feel when I am with you!
I am grateful for your wicked cock!
When it comes to appreciations and gratitude, think small and think often.
Sexual desire naturally emerges in play — free-form, unstructured, goal-free play. Like being a kid for the hour, or the day.
It’s no wonder that the same chemicals emitted in play show up when we fall in love. Serotonin, dopamine, adrenaline, and sex chemicals — testosterone and estrogen — create an intoxicating cocktail that makes us feel good, uninhibited and free. And usually sex is just around the corner.
Let go and play in an unstructured and pressure-free way, exploring, engaging and seeing what shows up next. Put on your favorite music and shake it with your partner. Go outside and play in the snow. Have a pillow fight. Make ugly cookies and eat raw cookie dough off the spoon. Be a kid for a moment and watch that orgasmic energy flow between you.
The holidays are all about the gift giving. And while certain gifts look good on your body, others feel good in your body and make the sparks fly by stimulating the production of a hormone called oxytocin, accurately dubbed “the feel-good hormone.” A contributing factor for arousal in women, it makes for great connection and orgasms for men and women alike.
So give the gift of touch, from a long heartfelt hug, to a night of cuddling by the fire, to an erotic cock or pussy massage — just for the pleasure of it. Feed each other’s oxytocin tanks and you’ll both reap the rewards for weeks (or years) to come. It’s truly a gift that keeps on giving.
Whatever the flavor of your sexual desires, touch will be a gift to remember. Here are some hints:
As you gaze into your partner’s eyes, touch them softly on their arms and chest, then switch to stillness with solid pressure, then tease them again with soft touch … all over their body.
Blindfold your partner and treat them to a sensual feast of touching, tasting, smelling and listening.
Give a slow and erotic massage with their favorite oil.
While giving feels like the de facto gift, it is also receiving that is a gift that we give to ourselves and our partners. A big gift.
When we receive, we allow ourselves to take in what’s being given — our partner’s love, care, attention and pleasure. It’s vulnerable, it’s scary, and it has the potential to break our hearts open and create the deepest kind of connection.
So this holiday season, let your guard down and give yourself and your partner the gift of receiving. Slow down to feel your pleasure. Take in your partner’s attention. Allow yourself to melt into the warmth of a hug, to basque in the pleasure of touch, to linger in the state of arousal as long as possible.
And let your partner in. Let them see you in pleasure. Let them know the impact that they have on you. That is a gift that lasts a lifetime.
Give your relationship the gift of intimacy this holiday season. If you’re a couple who is ready to achieve an orgasmic state in your relationship, enjoy 20% off customized couples coaching packaging when you book in December. Book a call to explore the roadmap to deeper intimacy.