Rooted in the ancient Tantric practices, Slow Sex movement, mindfulness, and the arousing power of emotional vulnerability, the Connection Sex approach weaves together sexuality, sensuality, emotional openness and awareness to create a deeply nourishing and spiritual experience of sexual intimacy. That intimacy, in turn, enhances the sexual experience, leaving the couple nourished, connected and empowered.

By slowing down and focusing on the connection, you pave the path to emotional opening, expression of love and nourishment through the physical act of sex. You experience the profound opening of the hearts as you open your genitals to each other.

Connection Sex is learned — by both women and men alike. With a commitment to growing through sexual experiences, you can create Connection Sex in your relationship and infuse your deep love for each other into your sex life.

If this speaks to your deep longing in sex, I want you to know that you can have it. Connection Sex is learned, the way you would learn meditation. I learned it, my clients learned it from me, and you can learn too.

It does not require having a certain kind of body.

It doesn’t require you to be rabidly in lust, porn-star flexible or kinky.

It does not ask you to be anything but exactly who you are.

Connection Sex asks you to dare intimacy by slowing down and being willing to allow the process to show you the way to more depth and fulfillment.

It has been featured in an article I authored on HuffPost back in 2016.

For more than a decade of helping women who struggle with “low libido” or lack of interest in sex in a long-term relationship to find their way to sexual openness, time and time again, the Connection Sex framework I’ve developed over the last decade has transformed the lives of many loving couples.

It all started with my own transformation of how I experience sex.

When I discovered the principles of Slow Sex, a movement based in Tantric principles that’s about 20 years old, I was asked to slow down to listen to the whisper of my body and its desire. I had ignored what my body and heart wanted and needed, so I had no idea how to do that. Coming out of a sexless marriage that I thought was my fault because I was the one who lost my interest in sex, I was set on “fixing myself” and my lack of libido problem, which in my mind meant further ignoring what I want and need and becoming what my partner needed me to be. I was set on self-betrayal as a strategy to be sexual.

As I began to experiencing magic of slowing down and listening to my body, I found out that I was not broken — but I was unwittingly participating in the kind of sex that simply was not my cup of tea. Because fantasy, porn, and focus on orgasm never looked appealing, I thought it was because somehow I was broken. In reality, I didn’t want them because they were not what my body, heart and soul were longing for. It was when I started to listen to those longings in my body and heart that I began to awaken from what was a complete sexual shut-down and into aliveness.

I discovered in myself and later with my clients is that being highly sexual as a highly sensitive person (HSP) didn’t require any of those things I didn’t find appealing: speed, porn and focus on orgasm. It was the opposite.

When I experienced slowing down and learning to receive sensual pleasure, it was like my body had finally started to get nourishment. Like a parched plant that comes alive after a drought, my body responded with sensations, arousal and feelings that I had never knew existed. And there was another element I was discovering: the power of emotional openness and vulnerability and being an advocate for your truth. When I was open with my partner about what I wanted and felt, and he had his heart fully open to me, my sexual desire shot through the roof. My sexuality came online full force: the slower and more connected sex felt, the more I could honor my body and its sensitivity and connect vulnerably, the more nourished I became, the more my body craved more of it and move towards my partner. It was a beautiful upward spiral — and Connection Sex was born.

I’ve been teaching the Connection Sex framework to my clients for over a decade, and it has equally changed their lives, transforming sexless couples into passion-filled lovebirds where the passion only grows and deepens over time.

SENSUALITY — delight in each other’s bodies through the senses, primarily through touch, but also smell, taste, sound and sight

When you dare the intimacy of connection, sex becomes a means of fulfillment that goes beyond the borders of the body.

Q: Are you born with some innate ability to do Connection Sex, or can it be learned by anyone?

A: Because Connection sex is about establishing new habits that foster intimacy and connection, it can be learned by anyone who is willing to apply curiosity to learn about themselves, listen to their body and desires, and take an emotional risk to open up to a partner in sensual and sexual touch. It’s equally about learning to pay attention to the same things with a partner and meeting them where they’re at. Connection Sex is truly about risking intimacy to open up your heart and genitals to your beloved. None of this depends on having specific innate traits. It is not easy but it is 100% learned, like you would learn how to do meditation or yoga. Everyone who has an interest and a willingness to learn has equal access and opportunity to practice it.

Q: Does Connection Sex require a lot of time?

A: Understandably, time is always a constraint for busy couples, especially with children. Connection Sex is meant to be developed as a slow burn, and sensual and sexual sessions are typically quite long, around 3-4 hours. Plus there is the time to have daily heart-to-heart connection that needs to be taken into account.

What I’ve seen with every couple is that, like anything you learn anew, there is a significant time commitment upfront. Over time, emotional, physical and sexual connection becomes easier to cultivate and takes less and less energy. In fact, in the long run, it feeds you energy, making other things in your daily life easier to accomplish.

Q: If we slow things down too much, aren’t we going to just fall asleep?

A: Couples who are new to slowing down in sex often do fall asleep, which is normal and actually healthy. If you fall asleep the first couple of times, it’s a sign that you’re simply tired and need to slow down and rest. So slow down and sleep!

However, if falling asleep is a repeating pattern that’s not dependent on fatigue levels, three things might be happening:

1. Your body is accustomed to only two modes: fast or asleep, which means that you are missing a whole area of in-between where you can experience a lot of passion, intimacy and sexual connection.

2. Your awareness and your “feeling body” are turned off, which means you cannot feel your own body or your partner’s, and that makes slow touch “boring”. That happens to people who struggle with disassociation or are simply not trained in being aware of their own body sensations.

3. You’re accustomed to equating intensity and speed for depth, but they’re not the same thing. Intensity goes fast, but stays shallow. It is in slowing down to focus on the emotional and physical connection to yourself and your partner that you can create depth of relating.

This is exactly what Connection Sex will help you develop if you stick with the practices.

Q: Does engaging in slowing down to have Connection Sex mean that we can never now enjoy a quickie?

A: Connection Sex is an approach to sex based on mindfulness, not an absolute prescription to what you do, which means that you can apply the underlying principles to a quickie and still have an experience that is rooted in connection and vulnerability. 

Q: You said that Connection Sex is based on Tantra, which I’ve read involves a lot of esoteric practices such as chanting, breathing and weird movements that simply don’t appeal to us. Is that also part of Connection Sex? 

A: It is true that practicing classic Tantra involves special techniques in breathing, sounds and movements that are used to activate sexual energy. Even though they may be beneficial, it is not something that Connection Sex requires. In fact, Connection Sex rests on the principles of following the energy in your body and listening to what feels good in the moment. So instead of specific techniques to guide activation of sexual energy, the choice rests in you to decide what you do and how. 

Q: As a man, I always fear that if we take sex off the table with my wife, she will never want it. She can just linger in cuddling for hours and it never turns into sex. This is what Connection Sex sounds like. How can I get her to want sex?

A: You’re not alone. This is a common assumption of men that has some truth to it — and a whole lot of nuance too.

Let me unpack this. Most women have not had the kind of safety, slowing down, and sensuality that Connection Sex allows often in their life — sometimes never. Take a busy woman, mother to boot, who has little to no time to slow down at all, and she will want to simply relax in the arms of her beloved for hours. When given the opportunity to slow down and cuddle, yes, nothing obviously sexual might happen. But something is happening and it’s very important: she is getting a sense that she can be herself with you, that she can relax and recharge, and not have to force the sexual opening before she is ready. Once her cup is truly full, that’s when things can start to shift — but most couples never have the patience (from both sides) get to this point. If you speed this up, you might get sex, but the next time, she’ll want it less.

And there is something even more important at play here that men can take responsibility for. When men first hear that Connection Sex is all about sensual touch and not orgasm, they decide that they then must shut off their sexual self to participate. “Why bother getting all aroused and not have sex” is their thinking, so they decide to just platonically cuddle and put away their sexual desire. So when a woman is cuddling with you for hours, and she senses that you’ve turned off your sexual self and are just there to cuddle platonically, she respond with just cuddling. And nothing happens. 

What men have to learn in Connection Sex is to stay connected to their sexual self and arousal while participating in goal-less sexual and sensual activity. It allows men to meet women where they’re at and build up sexual energy together, side by side, in a titrated way (instead of firehosing with sexual desire). That is opposite of shutting things down or speeding things up to make sex happen. Engaging in Connection Sex teaches men to be exquisite lovers, not just a man having sex. 

Lastly, I want to invite you to a paradigm shift that can help you have more sex. You cannot “get” a woman to want sex. You can, however, engage with her in such a way that allows her feel safe, vulnerable and open — a point from which she can take over with her sexual desire. The Connection Sex framework provides an approach that works with her sexual desire and allows you both to cultivate sexual energy together.

Q: Connection Sex speaks to me but my male partner just wants to have fast “get it over with” sex. How do I convince him to have Connection Sex?

A: Getting your partner on board to want to do something new in the bedroom, especially when he is resistant to the idea already, requires letting go of the convincing mindset in exchange for a vulnerability one. Instead of providing logical reasons of how Connection Sex is better or what it does, lead with what you want and your desire to engage in slowing down and building intimacy with your partner. Share with him what it would provide for you — the kind of connection, enjoyment, closeness, etc. Don’t forget to make a request too, not just assume that because you’re discussing it, that you’ve asked for what you want. He might not be responding because there was no actual request made.

Read real-life case studies of “Intimacy Warriors” who dared intimacy to transform their sex life & relationship from gridlock to passion, intimacy and sex through Connection Sex.